Friday, May 7, 2010

Buyers Remorse...

I was awake for hours last night stressing out
over the decision we've made to homeschool.
A sort-of "buyers remorse."
A sort of "what have I DONE" kind of feeling.

You know why?
Because I am terrified.

I was "what-IF-ing".
You know what I mean...

What if:
I am making a bad decision?
What if Kayley hates it?
What if I hate it?
What if Kayley misses school a lot? (She LOVES school).
What if Kayley cries because she wants to ride the yellow bus?
(which rumbles in front of our house 4x's a day).
What if I can't find a good substitute for going to preK?
(something she can love as much as going to school?)
What if we have a hard time making friends?
What if I get overwhelmed just being around my kids 24/7-no breaks?
What if we spend so much time at home that I gain (another) 20 pounds?
What if I change my mind later?
What if we can't find a compatible co-op?
What if I never have any time to be by myself again?????
What if?
What if?

I started rethinking Gloria Deo.
-hey, maybe its not so bad?
-so what if they pledge allegiance to the Christian flag? (whatever that is?)
-so what if Kayley gets a little bullied-she can handle it.
-so what if the doctrine they teach is skewed?
-so what if I have no choice over what/how/when she learns?
-so what if they dress immodestly?
-Oh! I'd get a couple mornings to myself a week...oh, that would be so nice....
-and Maggie could go to school there too...

And, there I went, convincing myself that maybe
homeschooling wasn't the best choice for me or my girls.

I kid you not, I lay awake forever last night stressing about it.

What if?
I'm afraid that I've already ruined everything by sending Kayley
to preschool for the last year.
She loves it.
She expects it.
She is happy there.
Am I trying to fix something that isn't even broken?

I feel better this morning.

But--

Starting homeschooling is like getting married.
A really big commitment.
A lifetime commitment.
A loving commitment.
I can do it.
I know I can.
I'm just (still) freaking out about how to make it
happen in a way that everybody will (still) be happy.
And wondering
What if.

(Basically, -I have pre-wedding jitters...
or in other words: COLD FEET!!!)

3 comments:

The Pollocks! said...

Hmmm. . I can see where you're coming from. If it helps at all, I have a friend that has gone back and forth - her kids go to a school for awhile, and then they homeschool for awhile, etc. . . So you know, there's always options out there if any of you end up struggling with the situation!

Bre said...

Sounds like you have jitters about the unknown. The more research you do, the better you'll feel, and as you see how easy and effective you are being (if Kayley's intelligence isn't enough credit to you're abilities) you'll get more and more conformations that you are making the right choice for your family. YOU my friend can do anything! :)

The Wendler Family said...

All I can say is I have had similar feelings before and still have decided to home school my children (my oldest is 3, a few months younger than Kayley I think.) We will not be perfect teachers, but public and private schools aren't perfect by any means. They won't cover everything either! Just remember that you are their mom, the Lord trusts you to protect and build them up as you teach them what's right. And I am convinced from the feelings I've had on the subject, that homeschooling is the best way to do those things for my children.
Don't worry. Take a deep breath. You can do it! Since Kayley isn't even "school aged" yet just start doing a few things each day (if you aren't already) and you will find now, what works best in your family dynamic. :)
Something I'm sure she would love, that Amelia loves, is Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons.