Sunday, November 1, 2009

It Bugs Me.

I bet my single friends, other adoptive Mommy's and other 'infertile' ladies will understand exactly how I feel when I share something that Bugs Me.

Why is it? that...

whenever I meet somebody new the conversation invariably comes around to:

" many children do you have? I have 5."
"Oh, she's 3?" (referring to Kayley's age).
"Is she your only?"

I don't know why I let it upset me, but it always does...because whenever another Mom asks me one of these questions I immediately feel defensive.
I feel like I have to make excuses or explain why I "only have 1 child" and why she is "already 3 and doesn't have a sibling".

The problem is: I don't fit the Mormon Mommy Mold.
and that leaves me
feeling like I have to explain to other women why I:
--didn't get pregnant when Kayley turned 18 months...
--am not having another child every 2 years....
--have allowed my child to turn 3 without giving her a sibling.
--am not being selfish in just having 1 child

I haven't shared my testimony of adoption in our new ward yet,
in fact, I haven't shared much of anything with anybody.
So, they don't know my story...
But, I still feel defensive when those well-meaning questions come.
And while they don't meant it...
I don't know why I let it.

It bugs me.

(and now I'm cranky).


Savannah said...

Silly mormons! But ya it bugs me too. You've been married for 8 years and still don't have children!?! And already I am hinting that we will most likely wait 3 years before starting the paperwork which means 4 years (or more) before we get our second child. I want my children further apart. I only plan to do this twice and I want to enjoy the moments with my little one before rushing into it again. Ya, it bugs me too.

Heather said...

I completely understand. I get the same question too. It begins with how long have you been married? 9 years Oh, you're 32 and don't have kids? Don't you want kids? People really do not understand how hurtful that can be to someone who would love to have children. So yeah, it bugs me too!

Rebecca said...

It's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I get it all the time "He's your only one?"