Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Today I Kissed An Angel...

Today I kissed an angel
I knew it from the start
the first time my angel smiled at me
I gave away my heart

today I kissed an angel
this angel child of mine
though not of my creation
my child by God's design

today I kissed an angel
my heart is dancing wild
a family, by a miracle
blessed by this angel child"
Author Unknown

I know it may seem odd to be posting about Kayley's adoption this week, but it seemed a fitting way to celebrate the publishing of our new adoption profile. I would like to share our experiences in adopting our beautiful daughter and ask for your prayers in aiding us in finding our next baby....

Our Adoption Story:
James and I had been married a very short time when we discovered that we would be unable to have a baby without medical intervention. We were disapointed but, optimistic because, after all, medical technology can pretty much solve any problems, right? Well, wrong. After spending a lot of time and exhausting ourselves (and our resources) we realized that God had a different plan for our family.

We had talked about adoption before we married and we agreed from the beginning that it was a great idea. We figured we would have a blended family regardless, so when we decided to fill out our paperwork to begin the adoption process we were excited. We had heard that many people wait several years before being selected by a birthmother so we just prepared ourselves to wait...

After 18 months of waiting we were thrilled when we were selected by a birthmother! She was expecting a little girl, due in February. We spent 6 months getting ready for our baby. On Valentines day of 2006 we got the call that our birthmother was in labor and we rushed to the hospital. I was actually in the room during her C-section and shortly after the baby had been weighed and measured, they swaddled her and handed her to me. I was able to walk her to the nursery and we spent the evening with the baby, whom we named "Evelyn." We took lots of pictures and called our families to share our news. Sadly, the next morning, our birthmother changed her mind, and we never saw Evelyn again. It is hard to explain what adoption loss feels like. I imagine it is not too much different than any other women who lost their baby right after birth. We never understood why, or what happened, but we grieved the loss of our baby.

Even though our hearts had been broken, we still knew that "our" baby was still out there looking for us, and we jumped back into the pool of adoptive couples.

We figured that it would be another year or so before we would be picked again, so, we prepared ourselves for another long wait...boy were we wrong! We had just barely moved to Arizona (about 5 months later) when we were asked by our caseworker to talk on the phone with another potential birthmother. We were hesitantly excited. We ended up having a great conversation and were thrilled several days later to receive this amazing photo in our e-mail inbox!!!

Our birthmother, Krystin, created this amazing sidewalk drawing, letting us know that she had chosen us to be the parents of her baby girl... I still wonder how a woman who is 8 months pregnant managed to get down there to the sidewalk to create such a beautiful drawing...? We learned that Krystin was due in another 4 weeks, late August. Imagine our surprise when we received a call 7 DAYS LATER that Krystin was in labor and we needed to get to Colorado right away!! We hurried! We left the next morning and drove all day and into the night, arriving on July 28th, just in time to see a 2 day old beautiful little girl.

We spent several hours in the hospital. We met Krystin's friends and family. We held the baby. We took lots of pictures.

Krystin - our brave birthmother.

Kristin - one of our caseworkers.

Luanne, our other caseworker...

Kayley, looking at me. She looks concerned doesn't she?

Dressed and ready to go!

Our family. Me, James, Krystin & Kayley. Krystin will always be a part of our family and we will always be so grateful to her for giving us the opportunity to be parents. She is an amazing woman and such an example of selfless-love.

Right after this photo, Krystin was discharged from the hospital. We had spent 2 days waiting...waiting for the dreaded moment when she would change her mind and we would go home empty-handed, but, right before she left she gave Kayley several kisses and then she hugged me and whispered in my ear... "Did Heavenly Father confirm to you that you are this baby's mommy?" And I answered her honestly, "I've been too scared to ask." She answered me, "Well, he confirmed it to me..." We both wept openely and Krystin left and we stayed behind with a beautiful baby in our arms. I imagine that walking away from us must have been the hardest thing that Krystin has ever had to do... Words cannot express the love we feel for her and her sacrifice.

We spent several more days in the hospital since Kayley was jaundiced.... We were tired... I look tired don't I? =)

Kayley spent as much time as possible under the lights. It was hard to leave her under the lamps. We were told we could only hold her for feeding and diapering, then she needed to go immediatly back under the lights.... She looks comfortable though.

We were finally able to take her home! The nurses bundled her for us. Hard to believe that we are taking our baby out in July with all those covers on!

We had to stay in the state for 2 more weeks while we waited for the inter-state papers to clear. We didn't even choose Kayley's name until after the 4 day period had passed. (The birthmother has 4 days in the state of Colorado to change her mind and take her baby back). Finally on the 5th day my sister-in-law got too frustrated with us and made us hurry up and pick a name. She bought us this huge baby book of names and by the end of the day we had choosen Kayley as a first name, and our birthmom Krystin chose Faith as Kayley's middle name and we loved it and decided to keep it. Kayley Faith - it was perfect.

We were so grateful when we finalized our adoption in April the following year. Kayley had a poopy diaper in this photo...poor judge. =)

The following weekend we took Kayley to the temple so we could be sealed as a family. We are so grateful for the blessings of the temple that allow us to be an eternal family.

Our new adoption profile is up and running. You can click the link at the upper right to take a look! Please send your prayers our way and help us find our next baby...


Krystin said...

I think I also whispered "you'll be a great mom" or something a long those lines before I walked out. I'll admit that walking out wasn't the hardest part for me...
The 4-day mark was harder. At midnight on the 4th day (just after playing volleyball after FHE at the single's ward) I asked Jay - my future husband - if he wanted to go for a drive. I drove us down to Chatfield State Park to the parking lot at Waterton Canyon where, at midnight, I just let loose and bawled letting all my emotions out for Jay to see. I did everything to keep myself from a phone that evening because I knew you were her rightful parents both in this world and in the hereafter, I didn't want allow my mortal weakness to interfere with that.

I'm so glad you two are her parents. I'm so happy you all are an eternal family together. I'm truly blessed to be able to see how Kayley has grown and you all have developed together as a family.

I was barely 19 when I gave her to you, barely 19, but old enough to know that it was right.

Amy N said...

I remember coming down to Co Springs to see you when Kayley was just born and you were waiting to go back to Arizona. She has grown into an adorable little girl.

I'm glad we are back in touch!

Mandy Jo said...

Yay!!! I loved reading the story!! Sounds alot like our daughters adoption! Her EDD was July 28th! She was born on August the 7th though!

Blessed said...

This is so similar to us because we had long talked adoption before we got married and also would need medical intervention to conceive...

I love your birthmothers story and how you shared such wonderful things about her and your love for her!

Guess what our daughters middle name is Faith too!!! I refer to her on the blog only as Faith but its really her middle name! So fitting just like your little one!!!!

Brenda said...

I am so touched by your post! I am so glad you shared it with all of us!! Your daughter's Birth Mother is amazing! I hope your next adoption is right around the corner!